Desert Stetson Bride
Is it just me, or does this bitch make you want to smoke a cigarette?
She also somehow makes me want to simultaneously line-dance, rope a steer, and gallop through the desert on my trusty steed toward Kevin Costner.
Udderly Stunning
Their parents must be so proud! Amazingly enough, two separate, very well-endowed brides-to-be found this dress and thought, “that’s the one for my big day!” It’s so flattering and highlights all of my (two) best features!
Don’t kid yourselves ladies (and we use the term “ladies” very loosely). You are basically naked from the waist up. Sexy is one thing, but for boobs, there is a point of diminishing returns. Large breasts have no business in church and make a bride look fat. Anything greater than a C cup can, and should, be corrected with surgery. Also, interestingly, both brides are wearing elbow-length gloves. Apparently, covering your forearms is appropriate for this formal affair, but showing your entire stretch-mark covered udders is not. Glad they could keep the baby cow off their tit long enough to attend the wedding. (But extra points for complete nonchalance while being naked in front of your own parents!)
Pride of the In-Laws
I would ask what kind of underwear you wear with a “dress” like this, but I think it’s pretty obvious this bride doesn’t own any. And thank you for saving your 23-year-old cousin the embarrassment of having to navigate up your dress to find the garter. This is much better.
It’s probably safe to say that if your veil is longer than your actual bridal “attire” you need not wear white: you’re not fooling anyone.
We were also going to recommend a little concealer on that thigh bruise, but then it donned on us that it’s more likely a hickey, and girls like you enjoy showing those kinds of things off. And are those pigtail braids? Those will come in handy later on in the evening, particularly given the fact that this dress transitions so well from the reception to the after party.
In a previous post we also warned against carrying a single red rose, however, please disregard that instruction. In this case, so long as she isn’t carrying a sexually transmitted disease, it doesn’t really matter.
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Now normally I would say to each his own, especially where a bride and groom are concerned, but the 2nd and the 3rd dress had to have made wedding guests feel uncomfortable. For second one, it looks like the seamstress didn’t do it right in the breast area. Other than that, the dress is gorgeous.