Posts Tagged ‘beach wedding’
Wow
Nothing screams financial success more than yacht clubs and extended vacations on the Vineyard. This theme allows you to be carefree and fun without sweating your ass off in some god-awful tropical climate and awkwardly barefooting-it through 4 inches of sand in a white ball gown. This theme really just says, “hey, we know the rest of our poor-ass guests couldn’t afford to follow us to Turks & Caicos, so we’re recreating the destination wedding vision here!”
We understand the draw, we really do. Everyone loves the beach! Sand at your feet, wind in your hair… but let’s face it, you don’t really want your fiancé’s friends seeing you in a two piece, do you?
Let’s get down to the details. Every nautical- or beach-themed wedding seems to require the following: must take place near the water, must have seashells on the invitations, must incorporate the color blue, and must encrust everything edible in brown sugar that looks like sand on the beach. Two tiny Adirondack chairs atop your lattice and lighthouse encrusted cake are also essential. So the questions is: really?
Keep in mind that seashells were once the home of an animal. An animal that may or may not be dead. In fact, it may have died just so that it’s home could adorn your tabletop as a centerpiece. Flowers are always a better choice. Think hydrangea. Think irises. Not orchids. Orchids are for the tropical wedding theme, which is not the same thing.
And that’s the real trouble with this particular theme; beach-brides often try very hard to incorporate too many nautical details, which creates confusion: Is this a lighthouse theme? No, I thought it was a conch-shell wedding? Oh hold on, isn’t that a starfish over there? This lack of focus makes a bride look sloppy and disorganized. Something tells me your wedding binder looks a little something like your train of thought: a convoluted, nonlinear, effing mess. Get your act together!
Also, do not give your bridesmaids jewelry with silver starfish. I don’t care if they have them at Tiffany’s. Have you ever seen them wear anything like that before? I didn’t think so!
Bottom line: No seashells on weddings cakes, ever. Flip flops are not wedding favors. They are not “fun.” Sand dollars and starfish are dead animals that someone collected after a storm; don’t put them on the table.
Please don’t kill me ☹
